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151Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:04 am

Andrew2


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I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the curves have warning signs that say "15 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering and three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the greatest bikes.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard in my life. And some of the credit must go to Malvern Star, as well. 
They really do make a great bicycle...

    

152Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:08 am

Andrew2

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Guy finds a bottle on a beach, gives it a rub, out pops a genie
You know the deal he says, want do you want?
OK says the guy, I've always wanted to go to Tasmania, but I'm terrified of flying and I nearly die from sea sickness. Want I want is a big bridge and freeway to Tassie
Whooooaa, says the genie thats a big ask even for me. Tell you what, I'll give you another crack
OK says the guy, been married a couple of times, but its never really worked for me, something about women that I dont get
What I'd really like is to understand how a woman thinks.
And the genie replies
About that bridge, do you want it 2 lanes or 4?


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1987 K100RS
    

153Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:09 am

Andrew2

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. 
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. 
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." 
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.."


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1987 K100RS
    

154Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:10 am

Andrew2

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. 
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. 
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. 
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"


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1987 K100RS
    

155Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:17 am

Andrew2

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HOW TO GET PERMISSION TO PLAY GOLF

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second Guy:
'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third Guy:
'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word.

So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy:
'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block


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1987 K100RS
    

156Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:19 am

Andrew2

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Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week, the musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me, pass the parcel was quick!!!


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1987 K100RS
    

157Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:24 am

Andrew2

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A little boy was sitting on the side of the road with a bottle of 
turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. 

A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what 
he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in 
the world, it's called turpentine." 

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy 
Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant 
women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby." 

The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub 
it on a cat's arse and he'll pass a Harley Davidson."


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1987 K100RS
    

158Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:47 am

Andrew2

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Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealer and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: '$390,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $2,950,000' for it.

MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $2,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $150,000 if it's really a pretty good price.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'


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1987 K100RS
    

159Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:48 am

Andrew2

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Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. 

Has any one else noticed this? 

It gets worse........ 

next year...... 

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?


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1987 K100RS
    

160Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Fri Apr 13, 2018 9:37 pm

TacKler

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The other day while riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a kangaroo, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.  Dazed and confused I crawled up out of the ditch to the edge of the road.  Just about then a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful women driver who asked, "Are you okay?"   


As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for..."I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. 


She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.” 


"That's nice of you," I answered, “but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!” 


"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted.  "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." 


Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive.  Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." 


We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." 


"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen.  "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" 


"Still in the ditch with my bike I guess.”


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161Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:32 pm

Andrew2

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Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour
of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.

The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have
him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for
just $100.'

The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They
return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald
Trump shipped home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$100?

The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here,
and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'


__________________________________________________
1987 K100RS
    

162Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:33 pm

Andrew2

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Irish confessional 

I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irishwhiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”


He replies: "Get out, you're on my side."


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1987 K100RS
    

163Back to top Go down    Re: The joke thread on Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:34 pm

Andrew2

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A man had an accident whilst at his work bench and thought he should phone his wife.
"Hello dear. I'm afraid I've chopped off one of my fingers."
"What! The whole finger?"
"No. The one next to it."


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1987 K100RS
    

164Back to top Go down    Re-joke thread on Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:18 pm

svenok

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K100RS 12/90 WB1052309M0200614
    

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