I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol.
I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.
From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case.
Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.

NOTE
If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling.

Treat Wine Flu with a medicinal dose of Fernet Branca whilst not actually able to re-animate a corpse it is not far short of miraculous in effect!
Regards,
K-BIKE

Dear Bloody Mary is an expert on this issue...
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JAP