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1Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:03 am

Albyalbatross1

Albyalbatross1
Life time member
Life time member
I am hoping this guy gets a Darwin Award!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
His lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
My interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking
For a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was
A 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser. The effects of the taser were
Supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
Allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button

AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
Arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
The face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
Thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
Triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie
Looking on intently (trusting Little soul) while I was reading the
Directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
Flesh
& blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie
(for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a
sweet cat. But, if

I
was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am
I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
Perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would
Shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
Cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
Burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
Fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
The batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device
Measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty
Cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries)
Thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
Side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from
Such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
Myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to
My naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
Up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
Over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
With tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
Nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
Position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I
Had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
Fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
Flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one
Note Of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
Yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
By a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
Considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
That point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
Surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
The fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
Where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
Twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
Bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure as my sense
of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe was came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

    

2Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:10 am

Guest

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Guest
snopes.com is a good place to go when the story 'sounds familiar'.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/taser.asp



Last edited by Two Wheels Better on Sun Jul 17, 2011 6:57 am; edited 1 time in total

    

3Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 6:09 am

BIG D

BIG D
Life time member
Life time member
Cool

Stun Gun!! 44271 Yup Darwin award candidate for sure.

BIG D

    

4Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 6:38 am

Toto_jp

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Platinum member
Platinum member
Stun Gun!! 44271


__________________________________________________
K100 RS 1986
    

5Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:07 am

Albyalbatross1

Albyalbatross1
Life time member
Life time member
TWB I wondered where my mate was getting his occasional gut laughters from!!!

    

6Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 10:22 am

Guest

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Guest
They're all out there in various forms, but that whole 'Darwin award' series always bring a good laugh. One of my favourites is that one from ages ago about the wank who strapped a JATO rocket to the top of his Impala, left long, black skidmarks where he melted his tyres attempting to stop his too-rapid forward progress, then was found later 300 metres up the side of a mountain in a pile of smouldering debris. Whoa, doggy.

    

7Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:13 pm

chrish8846

avatar
Silver member
Silver member
Sounds like what happens in South Carolina right after some says "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS"


__________________________________________________
Chris Hammond
1985 K100 RT sold
1992 K75RT still in Fixing mode
    

8Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sat Nov 12, 2011 6:30 pm

beanoldboy

beanoldboy
Life time member
Life time member
Darwin awards are hilarious, im reminded of the one about the bank robber who got a phone call mid robbery, answered his gun and shot himself in the
head

http://www.airware.com.au
    

9Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sat Nov 12, 2011 8:17 pm

88

88
Life time member
Life time member
My favourite Darwin was an Eskimo who ran out of booze and tried drinking petrol, which made him throw up ......on the fire, burning himself and the shack down!


__________________________________________________
Stun Gun!! Ir-log1188....May contain nuts!Stun Gun!! Ir-log11

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." - St. Augustine from 1600 years ago & still true!

K1 - 1989 - AKA Titan (unique K1/K1100RS hybrid by Andreas Esterhammer)
K1100RS - 1995. AKA Rudolf Von Schmurf (in a million bits)
K100RS - 1991 AKA Ronnie. Cafe racer project bike
K75RTP - 1994
K75C - 1991 AKA Jim Beam. In boxes. 
K1100LT 1992 - AKA Big Red (gone)
K100LT - 1988 - AKA the Bullion brick. Should never have sold it.
    

10Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sat Nov 12, 2011 9:04 pm

beanoldboy

beanoldboy
Life time member
Life time member
there was also the one about the two eskimos in a canoe, as it was so cold they tried to keep warm with a small fire, and of course sank.

proving you cant have your kayak and heat it too

http://www.airware.com.au
    

11Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sat Nov 12, 2011 9:07 pm

88

88
Life time member
Life time member
That one takes the biscuit Beanoldboy :-)


__________________________________________________
Stun Gun!! Ir-log1188....May contain nuts!Stun Gun!! Ir-log11

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." - St. Augustine from 1600 years ago & still true!

K1 - 1989 - AKA Titan (unique K1/K1100RS hybrid by Andreas Esterhammer)
K1100RS - 1995. AKA Rudolf Von Schmurf (in a million bits)
K100RS - 1991 AKA Ronnie. Cafe racer project bike
K75RTP - 1994
K75C - 1991 AKA Jim Beam. In boxes. 
K1100LT 1992 - AKA Big Red (gone)
K100LT - 1988 - AKA the Bullion brick. Should never have sold it.
    

12Back to top Go down   Stun Gun!! Empty Re: Stun Gun!! Sun Nov 13, 2011 4:45 am

charlie99

charlie99
VIP
VIP
groan !!!!





funny stuff ....thanks for the heart lightening ......^5s guys


__________________________________________________
cheezy grin whilst riding, kinda bloke ....oh the joy !!!! ...... ( brick aviator )

'86 K100 RT..#0090401 ..."Gerty" ( Gertrude Von Clickandshift ) --------O%O
'86 k100 rs.. #######..  "Fred " (f(rame) red ) ( Fredrick leichtundschnell ) - -
bits and pieces from many kind friends across the k100 world ...with many thanks ..
1987 k100rs ########   "Red"  - (red sports rs TWB style )
1989 K100rt #009637   "Black Betty"  (naked rt ala Nigel , now sporting an rs main fairing )
    

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